Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize