I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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