I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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