Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
