I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
