I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
