First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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