just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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