I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
