Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
