i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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