How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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