Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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