I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
