i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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