I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
