You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A+ Viking dick
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