those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
