I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
