you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
