I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
