peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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