I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
