He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
