hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
