Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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