theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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