$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize