Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
