I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize