he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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