wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
