I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
