Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
