I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
