My room smells like vodka and shame
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
