I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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