In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
