I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
