Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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