U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize