Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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