I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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