I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
