need another drink. this is the easiest way
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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