How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
