you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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