I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
