Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
