no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
