i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Non-Jews are for practice
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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