On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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