She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
