I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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