You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
