My cat gives me a boner
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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