On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
