awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
