You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize