There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
