she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
