I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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