He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
