Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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