she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
