if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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